Brace yourself, people. You are entering the world of Jackwagons gone wild. Say What? is a series of quotes that I collect as I go about my daily business of deciphering the “news”. I take no responsibility for any keyboards or monitors you may ruin in the course of reading this column. There is also bound to be NSFW language along the way, consider yourself warned. Be sure to look for link Easter Eggs as you go. Please keep your head and arms inside the ride at all times. Enjoy!
In Total Denial Edition
Mooch: “We have an amazing story to tell. This president has brought us out of the dark and into the light.”
Uh, whaaaat? She must be smoking some of that famous choom we keep hearing Barack loves so much. Those who saw a light at the end of the tunnel when they voted for Obama now realize it’s not a light… it’s a train coming to run them over.
Babs Boxer: “If you’re a self-respecting human being vote for Obama.”
I think we found our ‘that’s raaaacist‘ moment for this edition.
Babs is trying to hang on to that ‘Hope and Change’ a little too tightly, me thinks.
Valerie Jarrett: “Obama has a terrific track record.”
Ahhh hahahahahaa… woooo hehehe, phew. That’s a good one!
That record is SO terrific! I guess that’s why he’s running on a series of distractions — the war on women, contraception, gay marriage, comparing his non-existent son to Trayvon Martin and nodding in approval at Occupy. Oh, how’s that Bain attack working out for ya?
Joe Biden: “I think Will and Grace probably did more to educate the American public than almost anything anybody’s ever done so far,” Biden said. “And I think– people fear that which is different. Now they’re beginning to understand.”
Nice one Joe. For those of you who didn’t watch Will and Grace, Will was gay.
It sounds just stupid enough to be authentic Joe, doesn’t it? He even threw in another nice gaffe of calling Obama “President Romney” to sweeten the pot. Axelrod was a nice touch, but we’re wise to their antics now.
The moment Obama came out for gay marriage (like a coward the day AFTER North Carolina voted it down in Amendment One) it was clear this was a set up. What’s more important, everyone knew it.
Sarah Silverman: “The Tea Party really is just a cunt hair away from being the Westboro Baptist Church -Maya Angelou” (Tweet)
Sarah, not sure how much paint you’ve been eating, but attributing something as foul as that to a great writer like Maya Angelou is beyond the pale of stupid. I think you’ve even surpassed Bill Maher in vulgarity and gone to downright offensive. Pro-tip: offensive… not really that funny. Kind of like your whole career. It’s really hard to keep a show going only on poop jokes. What a mouth.
Bill Maher: “Tell me a better president we’ve had since Carter.”
Ok, I’ll tell ya – Reagan, Bush I, Clinton and Bush II. Idiot. That’s some serious denial there, Bill, when you’re holding up Carter as the stick to measure Obama by. YIKES.
Maher Bonus Idiocy:
“But as far as this bullying, you know, this made me think of of of the Michael Jackson situation. Because, you know, he was accused of being a child molester. We’ll never know ‘cuz he’s gone, but even his worst accuser never said that he did anything like actually have sex with them. It was grabby, grabby under the covers. Which is terribly wrong. However, when I was 12 years old, I was beaten on the playground. Just like the Mitt Romney thing, I was held down and somebody just punched me in the face while other kids watched. And if I could go back to 1968 and trade that experience for being gently masturbated by a pop star. I would do it in a second.”
“And, yet, they have given no money to raising wages, nothing to reinvesting. It looks like maybe they, along with the Republican Congress, want to keep a sluggish economy so that ‘blackie’ [doesn’t get reelected].
“You think conservatives should take some responsibility, because they sort of have made this a political issue that somehow eating lard out of a can is a virtue because “It’s about my freedom. You know, there are some freedoms in this country that are important: speech, assembly, religion, and eating s—t. And if you try to tell me.” I mean, Sarah Palin showed up with sugar cookies.”
“There’s lots of new evidence that was made public this week in the Trayvon Martin case. He did have marijuana in his system, a drug that has never made anyone on planet earth violent. And at the moment that he confronted or was confronted by the wannabe cop loser who was stalking him, turns out he probably did beat the dog s—t out of that guy. I just want to say if I had a son he would not look like Trayvon Martin, but I hope he would act like him.“