Brace yourself, people. You are entering the world of Jackwagons gone wild. Say What? is a series of quotes that I collect as I go about my daily business of deciphering the “news”. I take no responsibility for any keyboards or monitors you may ruin in the course of reading this column. There is also bound to be NSFW language along the way, consider yourself warned. Be sure to look for link Easter Eggs as you go. Please keep your head and arms inside the ride at all times. Enjoy!
Obama’s Greatest Hits:
“Come on guys..”This is the response the media got from Obama when asked about the contraception mandate controversy. That is ALL they got. Religious freedom for me but not for thee, eh Barry?
“I’m getting better as time goes on.”The above quote speaks otherwise, unless you mean better at ignoring the Constitution. A lot of people disagree with you – in fact 3 out of 4. Oh and please, apologize to Al Green.
The Rest of the Peanut Gallery:
Nancy Pelosi replied, “I’m going to stand with my fellow Catholics in supporting the administration on this. I think it was a very courageous decision that they made and I support it.” Then not more than a few days later, she said, “It’s sad people are using religious freedom as an excuse.” Hey Nancy, contraception is not in the Constitution, but Religious freedom is, you hag. Oh yeah you’re a big champion for women — who vote democrat. What do you care anyway? You and your pals in Congress have a special health plan for life.
“They want to use legislation as a way to act like terrorists. They hold things as hostage,” CA Democrat Waxman said. “We almost couldn’t fund the government because Republicans wanted to hold that idea hostage, we almost couldn’t pay our debts because the Republicans wanted to hold that legislation hostage to their extreme agenda, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they scuttled this conference by trying to hold us hostage.” Our “Republicans and Tea partiers are terrorists” quota has now been filled. Bonus points for lying about paying our bills when Dems haven’t produced a budget in 1,000+ days. Besides, terrorists are what the White House tells us they are.
He is part of an “extreme Republican field” that would do nothing to “help homeowners remain in their homes,” Wasserman Schultz said, referring to the high rate of foreclosures in Florida. LOLWUT? What debates has she been watching? The only thing extreme about this field is their endurance after the millioneth debate. She probably thinks Obama is a moderate. Keep spinnin’ Debbie!
“[the Komen decision] is reminiscent of the McCarthy era.” – Barbara Boxer (D- CA). Hyperbole meter broke on that one. Funny, I didn’t see Planned Parenthood’s wikipage and website hacked and horrific messages inserted on it. Calm down Babs, try some decaf – you can still support murdering babies by donating to PP yourself.
There is a MR. T Award this week: Sheila Jackson Lee
I sincerely pity this corrupt fool. She needs to quit the jibba jabba.
“We Travelled Half Way Around The World And Couldn’t Get a Copy of My Mother’s Birth Certificate.” Weasel Zippers was kind enough to note her mom was born in Florida. What a drama queen dolt.
“As I have scanned the annals of history, during the tenure of many presidents, obviously the recent presidents of JFK and Lyndon Baines Johnson, of Richard Nixon who was impeached, and subsequently Ford and Carter. I cannot find in the statement of a message of a minority leader, majority leader, or speaker, whose message has been defeat the commander-in-chief.” *Screeeech* What? Nixon was impeached? That’s funny, I thought he resigned!
“I voted for Barack because he was black.” – Samuel L. Jackson. We all knew that already but it’s nice to hear you admit you’re a racist out loud. I am sure this will not inhibit you from making more classics like Snakes on a Plane II. It also relieves me of any guilt I might have had that I was mildly happy to see Mace Windu buy the farm and that his own lightsaber upstaged his acting ability.
Bill Maher said this pile of racist stuff. I never get tired of hearing Liberals spew raw sewage like that – always amazing. Then again, it is HBO, which as we all know does not stand for Home Box Office but instead for Help Barack Obama. Also not surprising since Maher just gave $1 million to Obama’s campaign.
Mike Malloy: “She would take every Jew in America and crucify them. She’s the type that would take every muslim in America and execute them. She’s the type that believes in ..in.. in rabid, militant Christian Fundamentalism – no abortions, no birth control, no women’s privacy…and she’s… a woman.” For anyone who doesn’t know who Mike Malloy is, he’s on the radio in whatever states still carry him. He personifies every horrible trait you hear liberals try to paint conservatives as. I think they must use him as one of their templates really.
Capital One and Wegmans Spokesman, Alec Baldwin is feeling butt hurt over being tossed off a plane for… well, being his jackass self, but it must be the stewardess’ fault: “Maybe she’s kind of a Christian conservative Republican.” Yeah and you must be some kind of self involved liberal jackwagon. I’m shocked you didn’t call her a thoughtless, rude little pig — after all he made an ass of himself. Again.
Babs Streisand is in hysterics as she pens a piece for HuffPo: “What Juan Williams failed to point out in that moment is that Barack Obama has not put anyone on food stamps.” She, of course, blames Bush for the new 6.5 million that are now on Food Stamps. Stick to singing and taking care of your ridiculous nails, Babs — oh, and the place of opportunity.. Duck Sauce!
Josephine Terry, mother of murdered Border Agent, Brian Terry.
“Mr. Holder. How come you can never say my sons name. You never have. All i ever hear you say is ‘i didnt find out or I cant say’ I’m actually tired of hearing your double talk in answering questions. What a joke you are. You know my son was a real AMERICAN, a WARRIOR, and a HERO, who was also protecting COWARD POLITICANS like you.”
The Mental Midgets of MSNBC
The Winners of the MSNBC “That’s Raaaaaacist” Moments are:
Al ‘Resist We Much’ Sharpton: “They give tax cuts and loopholes to the rich, and they act like it’s acceptable saying by-and-by, it’ll trickle down to you. It’s not acceptable to us. It was a time it was acceptable women couldn’t vote and blacks were in the back of the bus. A lot of things were acceptable–until we stopped accepting it.” That’s raaaaaacist! Lean Forward!
The Comrades Against Capitalism Award goes to:
The Faux Outrage Award goes to: Brian Williams (he’s on NBC, but really.. what’s the difference?)
On Thursday’s NBC Nightly News, anchor Brian Williams was aghast: “Who have you ever seen talking to the president like this?….The governor of Arizona with her finger in the face of the President of the United States. You don’t see that often or maybe ever.” Yeah never saw THAT before… except oh, when Williams interviewed Bush. Yeah that never happens.
Chris Matthews: clueless on congressional insider trading. Maddow tries to cover for him:
Oh, Matthews also had this gem: “I’m saying that some people who are bigoted against gay people have changed religions. Yes. You got it right.” Apparently if you’re Catholic, you’re a racist now. That figured.
The Otto Award for Stupidity goes to: Meghan McCain – who else!
Her epic tweet: “I prefer people with personality and swagger as opposed to people that did really well in college and can now spout boring facts on command.”
Yeah, that’s a real bummer that people who go to college actually learned something.
All that money wasted when they could be studying you on how to have an ‘emoticon‘ of the talent that a pseudo-intellectual, liberal tartlet like you possesses. They’d be more smarter!