Brace yourself, people. You are entering the world of Jackwagons gone wild. Say What? is a series of quotes that I collect as I go about my daily business of deciphering the “news”. I take no responsibility for any keyboards or monitors you may ruin in the course of reading this column. There is also bound to be NSFW language along the way, consider yourself warned. Be sure to look for link Easter Eggs as you go. Please keep your head and arms inside the ride at all times. Enjoy!
“And by the way, you won’t meet harder working folks than some of the folks in these federal agencies. They devote countless hours to trying to make sure that they’re serving the American people, but they will tell you their efforts are constantly undermined by an outdated bureaucratic maze,” President Obama said today.” Multimillion dollar vacations, 90 rounds of Golf and blaming everyone else is truly hard work. What do you think we are? A bunch of numbskulls?
“We absolutely live in a bubble,” Michelle Obama said. “So I have to keep my kids on track to do things that we would do as if we weren’t here. Whether it’s vacation or camp or taking a trip we would normally take. It’s letting them get outside of the bubble, to get them to a place. That’s so important and I fight for that, for them.” Yep, like listing your daughters as staff aides on your taxpayer-funded extended family get-away to Africa. Fight for ’em, Mooch!
“We need to make sure that we tone things down, particularly in light of the Tucson tragedy from a year ago, where my very good friend, Gabby Giffords — who is doing really well, by the way, — [was shot],” Wasserbeast Schultz, the Democratic National Committee chair said during a “Politics and Eggs” forum this morning. “The discourse in America, the discourse in Congress in particular . . . has really changed, I’ll tell you. I hesitate to place blame, but I have noticed it take a very precipitous turn towards edginess and lack of civility with the growth of the Tea Party movement.” Really Debbie? I’m shocked you didn’t call them the Terrorist Tea Party. You’re slipping, babe! Stop lying.
“I’m a Democrat — I’m a believer,” Crazy Clooney said. “I think he’s done a wonderful job, I think he’s having a tough time in a difficult environment. I root for him. I root for the President of the United States.” Small wonder your last three movies bombed – I don’t think that delivery could convince Obama himself. Your old pal, Roseanne, is running for office. I’m sure she can use a Booker Brooks.
“It’s not envy, it’s war, it is a class war, it’s a war that’s been perpetrated by the rich on to everyone else. The class war is one they started. The mistake they made to deal with the racial part of this, is, um, their boots have been on the necks of people of color since we began.” Jabba the Moore continued, “This is a nation founded on genocide and built on the backs of slaves, alright, so we started with a racial problem.” Ohhh so close, Jabba. That almost made the ‘that’s raaaacist’ section. Had you referenced the GOP or Tea Party by name, you woulda been a contender! I hear you’re worth a lot of money and don’t want to pay more to the Treasury. Shame, shame… the 99% know your name!
We have a Mr. T Award this time: Andrew Sullivan.
“No. Palin’s tweet made me come in my pants. I write what I think is true. I don’t give a damn about “reputation.” If I’m wrong I correct or re-think.” said Andrew Sullivan, Author of the Newsweek cover story, ‘Why Are Obama Critics So Dumb?’ and renowned Trig Palin Truther. “Once a writer worries about these things, he’s like an actor watching the audience. In my opinion, far too many journalists worry about their reputation.” The man needs psychiatric help. Oh wait, he’s a flaming liberal. Nevermind.
“But watching these last couple of debate, all of them, but especially recently, the Tea people, who really kind of wag the dog there in the Republican Party, they finally see somebody they like.” said Moron Maher. “I mean, Newt Gingrich, I’m sorry, but he does mirror who they are: mean, snarling, borderline racist.” Borderline? Bill you’re getting soft and it’s an election year! What’s the matter you got nothing left inside? You bum!
“Each and every candidate has specified unequivocally that they would overturn Roe v. Wade. And if in fact they were in the power of the presidency and had the ability to do that … we can see a pre-Roe reality … where you’d have a country where there, in my mind, are free states and slave states,” said Hoffman. Hyperbole alert! You are apparently a slave if you have a baby inside you that deserves the right to live. That’s beyond pathetic and frankly ironic, coming from a womb jihadi.
“The irony is, he’s campaigning on the basis that he’s a success as a foreign policy president. This is really amazing.” said Bolton.“It’s because Navy Seal Team 6 killed Osama bin Laden, that is his definition of success…In 1969, when Americans landed on the moon, it is like Richard Nixon taking credit for that. Because it happened to occur during his presidency.” Why didn’t you run, John? Whyyyyyy?! You coulda been a contender!
The Mental Midgets of MSNBC
The Winners of the MSNBC “That’s Raaaaaacist” Moments are: All of them.
Too many to list individually, so here are the quotes – hit the link to see the video and read the whole thing:
“So I think Newt Gingrich is clever in using this strategy of race baiting in getting more GOP voters.” What party freed the slaves again? Right.
“As an African-American woman it galls me. I don’t even like to watch it. I felt like it plays into every sort of patronizing stereotype of black people.” You mean like patronizing by stereotyping them with your own assumptions?
“To suggest that president Obama is the food stamp president has underlying suggestions. What did you mean by underlying suggestions?”Are you a food stamper? I want to see your long form certificate!
“Gingrich then laid into him saying that President Obama had put more Americans on food stamps than any other president. He got a lot of applause for that. Why would saying that get you a big, hearty applause? Because this whole conversation isn’t about poverty, but about race.” Why do liberals automatically related food stamps to Black people?
“Booing a black journalist on an issue affecting not just black Americans, but white Americans, poor people on MLK day is a really telling moment, I think in this Republican race.” Guess who answered this question?
The New Tone & Civility Award goes to: Bill Press
The Otto Award for Stupidity goes to: Meghan McRino! Again! Twice!
Meghan McCain compared herself to US President Ronald Reagan, saying if he had ran today “he would be called a dirty moderate like me, unfortunately.” Honey, he likely will come back from the grave to refute that claim. Shut your dirty liberal mouth!
“I’d have no problem with this type of thing being written if they were out of office,” McCain said, “I think some small emoticon of privacy… I’m just saying they deserve some small emoticon…” And then, out of embarrassment, you lied about it – and sleazily I might add. Nice work! Stay classy!
Piers Morgan didn’t make the list this time, but this rant from Dennis Miller will fill the void.